It’s Time to Downsize and I’m Not Ready!

I HAVE BEEN ON HIATUS from the internet for several weeks, fully engaged in navigating a life transition that I thought I was ready for… but found more difficult than I anticipated.
CIMG1350

WE WERE TWO EMPTY NESTERS in a three story house that continued to grow larger by the month. My husband and I agreed it made sense to simplify our life by selling our “family home”. We came to that conclusion one day when we realized we were using cell phones to find one another…it’s not easy to “shout out” when we are two floors away from one another…and we didn’t need 4.5 bathrooms.

For several years, we have enjoyed spending time in our small vacation house in the NC mountains. When I am there, I realize that we don’t need all the “things” we have in our home in Charlotte. Daily choices are fewer: two sets of sheets only for each bed (when clean set goes on, the other set goes into the washer), two tablecloths for each season, three flower vases, fewer dishes and small kitchen appliances. The closets are smaller there, with less clothes, so there are fewer choices of what to wear. An added bonus is the ease in keeping a smaller space clean and tidy…less floor to sweep and mop. Life seems easier somehow. So, we reasoned, although we really loved our family home in Charlotte, we decided we were ready to sell it and move to a smaller house. After all, we didn’t need all that space, did we?

You would think we had come to grips with selling our home, before we put up a “For Sale” sign…and I guess the answer is “yes” and “no”. Yet, we were surprised in December to receive an offer on the house. The buyers wanted possession right away by December 23, but we had the good sense to say no… taking down the Christmas tree two days before Christmas… No Way!
image-13
I WANTED TO HAVE OUR LAST CHRISTMAS with our children in our home of many years. And, we needed at least 60 days to make the move. After all, we weren’t expecting to sell that soon, and we didn’t have a place to move to. We also had over 4,000 square feet of house spread out on three floors, with furniture, accessories and odds and ends accumulated over many years of marriage. A few pieces of furniture were my parents and some were from my husband’s side of the family.

WE CELEBRATED THE CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS as usual, knowing it was the last holiday in this house. The month of January was an extended time of letting go, as we gave away so many things to friends, family, neighbors, and others who had need of specific items.

There was a flurry of activity for weeks with folks coming and going as items were carted away. We watched the treadmill loaded up and taken away (we will just find a place to walk outside), the barbeque grill, outdoor patio furniture (we don’t need it all), sectional sofa in the family room, tables, bookcases and lamps. The pool table stood as a lonely sentinel in the family room waiting for new owners.
CIMG1343
We donated bags of clothes, books and accessories to Goodwill and Veterans groups. I felt an unexpected loss as I watched my white dresser, with nine drawers, moving out of the house. My sister passed it on to me years ago and I had painted it a shabby chic white. It was my dresser for a few years until it was moved to our guest room. I don’t know why it bothered me so to see it go. I distributed a number of house plants, large and small, to delighted friends.

I WATCHED OUR 12 FOOT CHRISTMAS TREE out of sight as it was carried across the street to the neighbors’ garage. That tree presided over so many happy times in our home. I was comforted by the thought that our tree would reappear in its Christmas finery next December, but this time keeping watch over our house from the window across the street.

AFTER THE INITIAL GIVING AWAY, it occurred to me that there was a life cycle of “things” assigned. My dresser went to a young couple in a new home who didn’t have a dresser… the treadmill to a midlife man who wanted to lose some weight and get healthy…grandpa’s mandolin to our daughter who is the musician in the family and would appreciate it most…dishes to our daughter who is a great cook,…some of my husband’s tools to our son…bookcases to new neighbors who moved in boxes of professional books…our freezer and second refrigerator to a young chef who is developing a catering business… a doll to a 5 year old girl who loved it…and so on. There is a cosmic rightness about it all… passing on… recycling treasured items… and seeing them appreciated all over again.
CIMG1337
A COUPLE WITH A YOUNG FAMILY bought our house. It’s comforting to think that another family will be making new memories there. As we left closing, my husband told the young couple who bought our home, “I hope you’ll love living there as much as we did”. I said, “Take care of our house.”

IN JANUARY, we experienced record breaking cold, snow and ice in North Carolina, as we packed and moved in stages. It was a challenge! (But that is another story.)
CIMG1377

AS A FORMER FAMILY THERAPIST, I know it often helps with closing one chapter of life, to take time to say goodbye to spaces and places (as well as people) that have had meaning. In our final visit, my husband and I walked throughout the house and shared some of the memories we had of each room; happy times with our parents when they were still with us, summer cookouts by our Asian rock garden, dinner parties with friends and holiday gatherings with family. Our steps echoed in the empty rooms now filled with the ghosts of remembering…

I WAS REMINDED of the exciting day we bought the house…and I felt a sense of appreciation for this place and pride that we had, in fact, created a home that we loved and that welcomed others. Although we had some sad times over the years, this home had been a happy place…. And then, we walked away.
CIMG1393

WE ARE IN A RENTED 3-BEDROOM TOWNHOME for 6-8 months, to give us time to decide where we want to create a new home. My dining room furniture is incarcerated in storage temporarily. But, we are unpacked and organized here and are developing a routine in a new place.
CIMG1356
WE SPEND OUR LIVES collecting things…ultimately we enter a time of life when acquiring things is no longer a priority. Sorting out treasured items among a myriad of “things” that have become attached to our lives is difficult under the best circumstances… Maybe it ushers in a sense of freedom as well… especially when collections are dispersed with purpose. I will reserve judgment on that until time brings more perspective.

NOW, IN THE MIDST OF our transition in downsizing, we are following new rules of the house:

1. Don’t bring in anything new, unless we get rid of something else.

2. We can do just as well with fewer options (e.g., I don’t really need 25 different flower vases or kitchen gadgets I never use).

3. Unless we need it, really love it, AND have a place for it, don’t bring it home.

I’LL SHARE MY ADVENTURE from time to time, of finding a place to make a new home… and invite your comments about letting go and moving on….

Sue Marquis Bishop 2014

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “It’s Time to Downsize and I’m Not Ready!”

  1. Sue, I’ve been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. Oh, yes, the joy and sheer delight that we’ve made it far enough in life that it’s now time to downsize. Somehow the business of downsizing has a way of bringing about emotions I had yet to feel in my lifetime and we’ve now downsized 3 times. I’ll be watching for future blogs and wish you peace.

    1. Good to hear from you.. I hope you are doing well. I have Spring fever and looking for signs of an early Spring… weather is crazy here freezing one day and 70 degrees another.. my mother loved the changing seasons and I guess I am a little like that too.. sue
      womenlivinglifeafter50.com

  2. It’s tough adjusting to change, but it can be exciting too. We were forced to downsize in the 90s when the economy was bad. The major lesson for me from that time was that possessions are just stuff and can be replaced. Family, memories, friends, good health, they move with you wherever you dwell. We concentrate now on having experiences. We no longer have a garden or a large house and that gives us the freedom to travel and pursue our interests outside the home. You will slowly adjust, find benefits in the change, revel in new found freedoms and laugh about your separation anxiety

  3. Apparently in the top 3 stressful life events are death of a loved one, loss of a job and moving residence.
    Letting go is never easy. Regardless of if you do it willingly (or knowingly) or not.
    I have a faded but distinct memory of when I was 9 seeing the contents of my grandparents house dissembled awaiting auction. I didn’t comprehend it really at the time but felt the weight of its significance.
    Ten years ago I had relocate & simplify willingly from what had been my own home of 9 years, on to better things, and wonder how much harder it would have been if not for the Bach Flower Essence I took to support me through the 9 months of the process.
    Prior to that I lived in 16 different places in less years. I never got attached to any of them and the belongings I was attached to came with me.
    A few years ago we relocated unwillingly and reluctantly from a much loved rental property we’d lived at for 8 years. I should have gone in search of another bottle of the Bach Flower Essence…
    We have in our future blending our city and country households. Thinking about the logistics daunts me.
    I think the time you are taking out to re-group and decide what-where next and reserving judgment on what has passed is valuable. After moving from my own home of 9 years, I did just that. Lived with the basics until I found myself again.

    1. Thank you for sharing your journeys with relocation..!. we are attached to places and things it seems but … I’m working on it…letting go and moving on… I think it will take time tho… sue
      womenlivinglifeafter50.com

  4. Sue,
    Good for you! As I read your post… I went through a bunch of different emotions of my own especially during the sales of your “things” and your home… but at the end… I felt excited for you and your new chapter and your adventure ahead. I have always told my kids… your life is like and empty book and everyday you write another page… well right now as we approach life over fifty… our life is an empty canvas and it is up to us to paint that master piece… who knows… we may even have a gallery in us!
    I hope you invite us to tag along on your journey!
    😉

    1. Just reread your comments… thank you for visiting and sharing your thoughts about giving up and next chapters… sue
      womenlivinglifeafter50.com

  5. I know the feeling of downsizing. Although you think you are ready, there’s still a pause. My mother promised for years she would move out of her house and never did. She couldn’t say goodbye until we had to say goodbye to her.
    Yes, things aren’t as important by this time in life as they once were in younger days.
    Wonderful post. Please do share more when you want to.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s